


Hurt

by Kboogie09



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Angst, F/M, Fainting, Fluff, Mentions of Blood, Nobody is Dead, Rogue One - Freeform, Romance, and Kay is just Kay, bodhi is such a sweetheart ugh, body negativity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-16
Updated: 2018-12-16
Packaged: 2019-09-20 14:09:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17024082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kboogie09/pseuds/Kboogie09
Summary: When Y/N overhears Cassian and K2 talk about how she isn’t the right fit to work a certain mission, she begins to question herself and does everything she can to better herself while also damaging herself in the process.





	Hurt

You began to make your way down the hallway towards the dining hall, greeting anyone that you walked past with a big smile and a warm “Hi! How are you?” 

Anyone who was around you long enough knew that you were one of the most cheerful persons on Yavin 4. You greeted everyone you came across with a smile and always made time to talk to whoever you could. You took it upon yourself to make sure that no one felt inferior to you and you often put other people’s needs or problems before your own. If you saw anyone was upset, from either a rough mission or just a long work day, you would just sit and listen to anything they would have to say and people often enjoyed your presence. You were a very polite and caring person and all the Rebels took an immediate liking to you, even the most reserved ones like Cassian Andor, the very person you were in search of.

Cassian was one of the first few friends that you made when you arrived on Yavin 4. When you were about 15, your mother and father had been killed by Imperial Officers and you had no other family members, so you were living on your own for a couple of days. You had to depend solely on yourself to support yourself and had to get more than one job in order to keep food on the table, even if it was very little. You found out at a younger age that you had a knack for anything medical and would volunteer at the med bay, shadowing the doctors there. When you weren’t volunteering or at one of your jobs, you always stayed home and made sure to stay far away from any trouble that involved the Empire.

\-----

_ While you were walking around the market place, you watched as two Stormtroopers were interrogating a young man about your age with wavy brown locks and beautiful brown eyes. One of the Stormtroopers brutally hit him upside his head with their blaster, knocking him to the ground. Without thinking, you ran straight for them and planted yourself in between the Stormtroopers and the young man with your hands raised in a pleading manner. _

_ “Please, sir! Don’t hurt him, he’s my brother and he is the only family I have.” You looked up at them with sorrowful eyes and watched as he lowered his blaster. _

_ “Next time, make sure your brother doesn’t disobey an order or we will have to be forced to arrest him for treason.” You nodded and watched as the two Stormtroopers turned and walked away from you. Y _

_ ou quickly kneeled down to the stranger and inspected his injured head. Blood dripped from the side of his head and you gently pushed his hair aside to further inspect the wound. He hissed in pain and grabbed your wrist and you yelped from surprise. You were face to face with him now and you found yourself gaping at him for a moment too long. He scanned your face, as if trying to see if you were truly trying to help him. You closed your mouth and cleared your throat, _

_ “Umm, you should get that stitched up. It’s pretty bad. I can take you-“ _

_ “Why are you helping me?” He quickly asked in a deeply accented voice and his grip tightened around your wrist. You winced lightly and tried to pull from his grip. _

_ “I saw you were in trouble and I know what it feels like to have people standing by and not help you,” as you said this his facial expression softened and he loosened his grip on your wrist and you pulled it to your chest, using your hand to rub around it. _

_ “Sorry,” he said softly, “I’m not used to people helping me out.” You nodded and watched as he stood up, almost losing his footing in the process and you quickly stood up to grab hold of his arm to help support him.   _

_ “Are you okay?” He looked at you, his eyes slightly dazed and nodded, shaking you off of his arm and taking another step before almost falling again and you leaned forward and grabbed hold of him once more. _

_ “You need to get that checked out. I have a med kit back at my place. If you want, I could stitch it up for you?” He raised his eyebrows. _

_ “Why are you willing to help out someone who was just getting interrogated by Stormtroopers? Are you sure you can trust me?” You shrugged your shoulders. _

_ “Guess we will have to figure that out,” he stared at you, still baffled that you were willing to help him out, and finally agreed and allowed you to lead him to your place. You both kept quiet as you dragged him around and decided to break the awkward silence. _

_ “If I am going to be your doctor, I am going to have to know the name of my patient." _

_ “...I’m Cassian, you?” _

_ “I’m Y/N.” _

\-----

After meeting Cassian, he stayed with you for one day until he felt better to proceed with his mission and invited you to join him. He thought that you were very advanced for your age to have such medical skills and asked if you would want to train to be a medic for the Rebellion. You agreed and after training with him, as well as the medical staff, you eventually became a combat medic and would always accompany him on missions. 

The two of you became very close and were very protective over one another and after spending so much time with him, you developed feelings for him but knew that he was married to his work and respected that, so you let it be. To this day, you were still a little rusty with combat and Cassian would often have to help you out if you were struggling with an enemy

You smiled at the memory and continued trekking through the dining hall. You didn’t spot Cassian, but instead saw your other friends Jyn, Bodhi, Baze, and Chirrut sitting at a table conversing over their dinner. You walked over to their table, greeting them with a huge grin which they all returned.

“Hey Y/N,” Jyn said and patted the empty seat next to her, “care to join us?” You shook your head.

“Actually, I was wondering if you guys had seen Cass. I need to talk to him about this mission we are going on.” Jyn shook her head and you looked up as Baze spoke up.

“I think him and K2S-O are in one of the conference rooms,” you smiled and thanked him. 

As you walked away, you said goodbye to your friends and took off in search of Cassian. You were making your way down the hallway and heard the voices of Cassian and K2 coming out of a room and smiled as you reached forward to grab the handle of the already cracked  door but paused when you heard your name mentioned.

“…I need to go tell her about the mission I will see you later Kay,” Cassian had said and you waited for the door to open fully but that didn’t come as K2 had called out his name.

“I meant to talk to you about that. I don’t think that Y/N is well suited for this mission.”

“What do you mean Kay? She is one of the best medics in the Rebellion. Plus, I never go on a mission without her.” You beamed at this comment.

“Yes and while she is a wonderful medic, those specific skills will not be as needed for this mission. The probability of the success of the mission is extremely low if she goes rather than if someone more fit like Jyn, for example, went in her place.”  There was a long pause and then K2 spoke again. “I’m just saying that there is a chance that you won’t have to worry about keeping Jyn safe unlike Y/N who always seems to be distressed in combat.” Your smile dropps and you heard Cassian sigh.

“Maybe you’re right. Alright, I will talk to her and see if Jyn can go in her place instead.” You felt your stomach drop as you comprehended what was just said about you. 

Cassian didn’t even defend you and you felt your heart shatter at this. You had always had feelings for Cassian and knew that he didn’t return such feelings, but you didn’t think that he ever thought that way of you. Cassian was always one to protect you from anything, whether it was from an enemy during a mission or even a jerk that would bother you after declining his offer to go on a date and here he was letting K2 say these harsh things about you and agreeing with him. You knew that you weren’t the best fighter, but you made it up for being a skilled medic. 

While you weren’t as affected by the harsh words that came from K2, you were more hurt that Cassian didn’t even bother trying to defend you. Were you really that bad at combat that Cassian wouldn’t tell you to your face? Did he just see you as a weak soldier? All of these questions raced through your mind as tears pooled your eyes and you took off running for your quarters.

\-----

You stayed in your room for the remainder of the day, trying to avoid Cassian and anyone else. Tears stained your pillow as you were still crying from the harsh words that were spoken about you. You buried your head back in your pillow and continued sobbing. There was a knock at your door and your froze, lifting your head up as a muffled voice came through the door.

“Y/N? It’s Cassian,” you felt your breath hitch in the back of your throat; “I need to talk to you about the mission.”

You felt the tears form again and you cleared your throat, hoping that your voice wouldn’t give away the fact that you were just crying your eyes out.

“Actually Cass,” your voice squeaked and you cringed at how weak you sounded.

“Are you okay, Y/N?” You began to panic as you hear the door handle rattle.

“No, I am not feeling too well. I don’t think I will be able to go on the mission after all. You can have Jyn or someone else take my place,” you said, your voice dropping at the end. Cassian stopped shaking the door handle.

“Do you need me to take you to the med bay?” You mentally scoffed at this and tried to cover the bitterness that laid in your voice.

“No Cassian, I’m a medic remember? I am more than capable of taking care of myself.” 

You rarely called Cassian by his full name. It was always Cass and you were the only one that called him that. It was quiet for a few seconds and then you heard Cassian clear his throat.

“O-okay Y/N,” he murmurs softly, “I’ll see you when I get back from the mission.” 

You didn’t reply and after a moment you heard Cassian’s footsteps getting farther away from your room. Normally you would have felt bad for talking to him in such a harsh tone, but your heart ached from the event that took place earlier. How could the one person who claimed to care so much for you and want to protect you from everything not defend you? You were angry at Cassian, but you were also angry at yourself.

You got up from your bed and you stood in front of your mirror, arms straying to your sides as you looked yourself up and down. Did everyone really think of you as unfit? 

You turned to each side.  You knew that you were healthy; you ate well and trained as much as you could around your busy schedule at the med bay. But the voice that lingered in the back of your head kept telling you that you weren’t good enough. That you weren’t strong enough. That you would never fulfill the potential of becoming a good enough fighter in not only Cassian’s eyes, but the other Rebels as well. 

You shook your head, trying to get rid yourself of the negative thoughts and walked back to your bed and sat on the edge. Instead of clouding yourself with these toxic thoughts, you decided that you would begin to improve on your combat. That would include training for more than an hour more than a couple days a week.

_ You’re going to have to give it your all if you want to improve Y/N _ , you thought to yourself. And you were going to do just that.

\-----

For the past week, you found yourself working harder than you had ever worked before. You would wake up at least two hours before you normally would to go train at the gym, go work at the med bay until the evening time, train for one extra hour, and then make your way back to your quarters. Due to your busy schedule, you would only have enough time in the day for small meals for breakfast and dinner. 

Your mood also seemed different as well. You felt crankier from the lack of sleep you were getting as well as not being able to eat more than two small meals a day. You weren’t greeting people with the same cheerfulness as you normally would.  The only people you made conversation with were the other medics you worked with, but even still you were more focused with working than making small talk. 

Although you felt exhausted every day, you did notice a small improvement in your combat. You felt a little stronger, but you were still not quick enough with your movements, so you tried to put in more work training. You rarely had time to see your friends and you used the same excuse every time one of them would ask you to sit with them.

_ “I’m just really swamped at the med bay, maybe next time.”   _

You hadn’t seen Cassian since he left for his mission. Luckily for you, it lasted a couple of days so you didn’t have to worry about running into him or even K2. When he returned, however, you tried to avoid him as much as possible which wasn’t too hard since you were busy all day. You did almost run into him in the dining hall a couple of times but quickly turned away when you saw him sitting with your group of friends. 

Although you were still upset at Cassian, it didn’t mean that you didn’t miss him. Cassian was your best friend on Yavin 4 and you wished more than anything that you could talk to him. You had always liked Cassian as more than a friend and it just made you hurt inside even more because now you knew that Cassian only saw you as weak and nothing more.

Cassian kept running through your mind and you let out a sigh as you continued working on patient files. You didn’t sleep well last night and woke up late, which resulted in you missing breakfast and you felt completely drained. You were standing as you stared bleary-eyed at one particular file, re-reading the same sentence and exhaled deeply. 

A knock came from behind you and you jumped, dropping the file that was in your hand and looked to the doorway to find Cassian, standing with his arms crossed against his chest giving you a small smile. You forced a tight lipped smile and bent down to collect the scattered papers and watched from the corner of your eye as Cassian knelt down to help you.

“I haven’t seen you lately, Y/N, I miss you,” you winced as he broke the awkward silence that filled the air, “Are you feeling okay from the last time I saw you?” Cassian asked, while handing you the papers he had gathered. You grabbed them from him, avoiding eye contact and simply nodded.

“I’m fine Cassian,” you said quietly as you stood up. 

Your head felt dizzy and felt yourself lean slightly so you quickly grabbed onto a nearby counter, closing your eyes slowly, and took a deep breath. Cassian shuffled behind you and you shot your eyes open and continued to organize the papers in the correct order.

“Are you sure, Y/N? You don’t look too go-“

You slammed the file closed. 

“I said I’m fine Cassian!” You hissed as you turned to glare at him. 

He stared at you, his mouth slightly agape and brows furrowed at the outburst from you. You were never one for snapping at anyone, let alone Cassian. Letting out a deep sigh, you turn away as you run a hand through your hair.

“I’m sorry, I’m just… I didn’t sleep well last night,” you heard him step closer to you and flinched lightly when he placed a hand softly on your back.

“Do you want to talk about it?” 

Of course you wanted to talk to him, but you couldn’t face him without thinking about his and K2’s conversation. You missed your best friend more than anything but every time you thought about him, you wanted to cry, just like right now. 

Feeling the tears begin to form, you cleared your throat as you blinked them back. You couldn’t have Cassian seeing you weaker than he already thought you were Shaking your head, you closed your eyes as Cassian pulled you closer to him, his arms now squeezing your shoulder, and kissed the side of your head.

“Okay Y/N,” he mumbles into your hair, “if you need anything, you know where to find me.” 

He smiles softly and you watched as he took his leave. Sighing, you placed your file on the pile that was growing on your desk, and checked the time on your holo-pad. Realizing your shift was over, you made way to grab your belongings so you could head for the gym.

\-----

You were hitting one of the punching bags that were provided in the gym. Sweat dripped down your forehead and you had felt more exhausted than earlier, but kept pushing yourself. Your mind drifted to Cassian and you began to hit harder. You felt bad for just brushing him off like that, you knew it wasn’t like your usual self to do so, but you were still upset at him. Cassian and K2’s conversation rang through your ears and you began to get angrier.

_ ‘I don’t think Y/N is well suited for this mission.’ _

Punch.

_ ‘More fit, like Jyn.’ _

Punch.

_ ‘More fit.’ _

You were about to punch the bag once more but someone grabbed your fist and pulled you from your thoughts. You quickly turned and you were face to face with Bodhi, concern filling his face as he grabbed your other hand, and you both looked down to see your wrapped fists now covered with blood. You must have been too deep in thought to realize that you had cut straight through your tape and damaged your knuckles and finally began to feel the stinging pain coarse through your hands. 

Bodhi gently pulled you to a nearby bench and sat you down while he went to grab the med kit that hung on the wall. He knelt down in front of you and gently took one hand in his and pulled the tape off of your bloodied knuckles. You winced and he looked up at you,

“S-sorry Y/N, I’ll try to be more careful.” 

“No it’s okay; I just didn’t even notice that my knuckles got damaged. Thank you for stopping me before it got worse, Bodhi.” He smiles softly and turns his attention back to cleaning your wounds. Once they were tightly wrapped, you gave it a once-over and gave an impressed look.

“Wow Bodhi if you weren’t already a great pilot I could see you being a wonderful medic,” you smiled at him and he awkwardly laughed. 

You always liked Bodhi, even though he was shy, he was such a caring friend and would always make sure that everyone’s needs were met before his. In a way, you guys were both similar with that and you were glad to not be alone. You watched as he stood up in front of you, reaching a hand towards the back of his neck.

“Y/N, are you okay? We haven’t seen you around and we are really concerned, Cassian especially.” You arch your brows.

“And did Cassian tell you to check up on me?” He removes his hand, dropping it to his side, and quickly shook his head.

“W-what? No he didn’t.” He pauses and sighs deeply, “But he did tell us about his encounter with you earlier and asked if we knew if something was wrong with you. I thought I would try to see if you wanted to talk about what was bothering you.” 

You sigh and stood straight up but were suddenly hit with a rush of dizziness and almost fell over.

“Y/N!” Bodhi cried as he quickly grabbed your arms and pulled you to his side to help support you. You placed your hands around his wrists.

“Are you okay? You really don’t look too well Y/N. Have you eaten?” You gently pried his arms off of you and stepped away.

“Yeah, I’m fine Bodhi,” you state, giving a weak smile.

“Are you sure? I can go get Cassian-“

“No please don’t drag Cassian into this,” you said a little too quickly and Bodhi frowned, tilting his head to the side a bit in confusion, “I just don’t want to bother him Bodhi.”

“Y/N you know that Cassian would want to know that you almost fainted just now.” 

“Just please don’t tell him Bodhi, please?” He just stares at you but finally nod.

“Okay Y/N, just please be careful,” you smile softly and reach forward to squeeze his arm.

“Thank you Bodhi, truly.” He smiles back at you and you pull your arm away to grab your water bottle, “I’m gonna go Bodhi, thank you for checking up on me.” You lean forward and gave Bodhi a hug, which he returned.

“Just make sure to get some rest please, Y/N. Can’t have our best medic passing out on us now can we?” You smiled and nodded your head as you pulled away from Bodhi and left the gym.

\-----

You didn’t really lie to Bodhi, but you didn’t necessarily tell him the truth. Instead of going straight to your quarters, you decided to skip dinner so you could make up for the lost time of your workout and go for a run instead. You usually ran in the morning when there was just a smidge of sunlight and always ran the same route, one mile behind the base and then that same mile back to your quarters.  Normally you would have been scared to run at night, but Yavin 4 was safe enough for you to stay out in the late hours without anyone bothering you.

While you were running, you felt like it was getting harder and harder to breathe but kept pushing yourself. Your mind kept drifting off to Cassian and you wondered if you should go talk to him. All you wanted was to talk to him and for things to go back to normal. You missed your best friend more than anything and life just wasn’t the same without him in your life. You didn’t even get to half a mile before nearly tripping and falling hard to the ground. You landed on your hands and knees and groaned in pain. You stayed in place to try and catch your breath before pushing yourself up slowly. As you stood up, you once again felt dizzy, but you shook your head, wiped the dirt off of your hands and looked for your water bottle. While you were searching for it, you heard some nearby leaves rustle and shot your head up, looking around you. You debated on continuing to search for your water bottle and decided against it. You could always drink a ton when you got back, and you continued your way back.

As you were running, your head felt fuzzy and you tried to shake away the dizziness. You could see the lights from the base as you were getting closer and tried to push yourself faster. Instead, you felt yourself slowing down and eventually stopped all together. You felt like time around you had slowed and that everything around you was moving. You heard a ringing in your ears and tried to shake it away but felt as if you were moving in slow motion. You recognized the symptoms immediately and began to quickly look around to see if anyone was around to help you before you passed out.

“H-Help,” you tried to cry out, but all that came out was a mere whisper and the ringing in your ears only became louder. 

Looking around, you began to see spots and tried to take a couple of steps forward but felt yourself falling forward. As you collided with the ground, you swore you heard someone yell your name but could not respond as the darkness started to cloud your eyes.

\-----

You could hear the sound of a monitor beeping and slowly began to stir awake. You went to brush a stray hair that was tickling your face but were stopped and you slowly opened your eyes to see Cassian sitting next to you, his hand covering yours and you carefully pulled your hand away so you wouldn’t wake him. That didn’t work as Cassian grunted lowly and opened his eyes. As soon as he saw you were awake he quickly leaned forward and placed one hand on your hand and the other on your cheek. You went to sit up but were stopped by Cassian as he laid you back down.

“No, don’t move Y/N, you need to rest.” You nod and look away from him. It was quiet for a moment and you cleared your throat.

“Can I, uh, see my charts?” 

“I checked your charts already, Y/N,” you froze and then looked down towards your lap, “they ran a bunch of tests on you and your blood sugar was really low and you were very dehydrated.” You stayed quiet and continued to not look at Cassian.

“Y/N, you have to talk to me. You’ve been not only avoiding me but our friends, you work so much, and I watched you pass out on the outskirts of the base. What’s been going on? I’ve been worried about you.” You sigh and clench your fists.

“You don’t need to worry about me Cassian,” Cassian scoffs and shakes his head.

“Of course I need to worry about you Y/N, you-“ 

“Why? Because I can’t look after myself? Because all I am is someone who is weak and needs you to babysit them all the time?” 

“What are you-“

“I heard you and K2 talking about me and how I am basically just a liability to you on every mission.” You could feel the tears begin to form in your eyes and you looked away from Cassian once more, feeling his gaze on you.

“Y/N, I-I didn’t mean to… I shouldn’t have-“

“Just stop Cassian,” you said quietly and felt the tears start to fall. Cassian placed his fingers underneath your chin and gently lifted your head. He then placed both of his hands on your cheeks and wiped the tears that were falling with his thumbs.

“Y/N, I shouldn’t have said that about you. I don’t think you’re weak. I should have defended you when K2 said those things about you.  I know you are able to take care of yourself and if anything you are the one who is there to save my ass. The only reason I listened to K2 was because I knew it was a dangerous mission and I didn’t want you to get hurt.  I didn’t mean to hurt you; I love you too much to hurt you.” Your breath hitched in the back of your throat and you stared at Cassian. 

Did you hear him correctly?

“Y-you love me?” Cassian nods slightly as he stares down at you. 

You watch as he moved closer to you but stopped and looked at you for permission. You didn’t refuse, and he took that as a sign to continue until your lips connected. Your eyes closed and you melted into the kiss, which was hard but passionate, as if filled with years of romantic tension. After a few moments, Cassian pulled away and you opened your eyes, completely breathless after what just happened.

“Does that answer your question?” You felt the blood rush to your cheeks and nodded, a stray piece of hair falling to your face. Cassian reached for the hair and placed it behind your ear before gently caressing your cheek with the same hand.

“Y/N, I have been in love with you since the day that you saved me from those Stormtroopers. I have always loved you and that’s why I have always been so protective of you. I’m so sorry if that made you believe that I thought you were weak. You are the strongest person I know and I did not mean to hurt you.” You smiled and leaned forward to place a kiss on Cassian’s cheek.

“I love you too Cass,” Cassian smiled at his nickname and pulled you into a hug. He ran one hand up and down your back and the other squeezed the back of your shoulder as you laid the side of your head on his shoulder. You finally felt complete again and you didn’t realize how much you had missed Cassian until this moment. Cassian turned his head and placed a kiss into the nape of your neck,. “I will never hurt you again, Y/N. I promise you.”   


End file.
